Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My English must be all screwy and stuffs

So, last night I sent a message to my loving husband. The subject was ‘Dog Food!’ and well, screw it, here’s the message:

From: Atypical Alecia
Subject: Dog Food!
Sent: Tue 12/15/2009 10:18 PM

You really, really need to bring it in tonight. They are completely out now.
Also, the garage….
Love you lots and lots.

Then I went on to discuss other things, but you only need the first part of the message. And to know that I said I loved him. Because then you’ll think I’m a nice wife. Which I’m really not. So…that subject remained the subject line for the following 5 message exchanges. The dog food bag has been in the back of the car since I picked up the dogs after our Thanksgiving trip to Houston to see the in-laws. So…that’s over 2 weeks now.
Ok, ok. I’m not saying that I could not have brought it in at another time. But, it was in his car and there is rarely a time when he’s not home but his car is. And it always seems to be when he’s not home that I remember we need to bring the food in.
So…flash forward to this morning. I wake up, let the dogs out (we have 3). They come in the house, all excited for “puppy chow” time. Only to find…nope, no puppy chow for you jerks. “Jeff” * doesn’t think you’re important enough to remember that you eat food. So, I ask this “Jeff” guy: ‘did you bring in the dog food?’ Oh, no, he forgot. Well, “Jeff” you should probably go get it, ‘cause these f-ers are hungry.
And still nothing. He falls back asleep. So, I ask again. And again. And again. Probably totaling about 10 – 12 times. NO real response from “Jeff”. Then, I remind “Jeff” that although I am now ready to leave for work, I will have to go get the food and it’ll take me another 20 minutes to feed the dogs and take them all out. Again, no real response.
So, I go get it myself. And I feed those adorable animals that we chose to bring into our home and care for. I did it. Yup. And then I take them out.

Here is a translation of what went down:

Cast of Characters (all extremely adorable):
Dexter – 85 pound Border Collie / Sheppard mix
Dignan – 12 pound Min Pin / Toy Fox Terrier mix
Zoie – 6 pound Chihuahua / Min Pin mix
Me – already a bit-annoyed
“Jeff” – a non-factor in any of this part of my story

Scene begins with Dexter deciding to play a couple of games:

Zoie: (pooping)
Dexter: growls (runs RIGHT up to Zoie as she poops and knocks her over)
Me: Dexter, let’s go inside
Dexter: bark (run around the back yard)
Me: C’mon! Everyone inside.
Dignan: (pooping)
Me: Oh, sorry Dig, I didn’t see you pooping
Dexter: bark (runs RIGHT into Dig as he’s pooping)
Dignan: bark (actually more of a cross between a girl and a bird scream)
(chases after Dexter)
Me: Damn-it! Everyone! Inside!
(other 2 dogs begin to obey)
Dexter: (run around GRABS something resembling poop; runs around more)
Me: Dexter, sit!
Dexter: (runs around)
(other 2 dogs now have jumped on top of a concrete block in backyard, observing the idiots)
Me: No!!! Sit!!
Dexter: (growl; run around; growl; eventual sit)
Me: Inside! (defeated)
All head inside.

I have determined that something is up. My message stating the dog food needs to be in the house clearly was not clear. My reminders to “Jeff” clearly were not clear. AND my discussion with my dog about going inside clearly wasn’t clear. I don’t have a lisp or an accent or anything. So, I’ve decided that my English is not as clear as I thought it was. Clearly.

And maybe that’s why sometimes I find things that I’ve asked for aren’t being taken care of. I think I’ll have to do more research on this and I’ll certainly get back to you…

*To protect the innocent, some names have been changed.

1 comment:

  1. Try Spanish - I remember it being pretty good! lol

    - J.R.